So I have been MIA for a while. I know, I know... I keep on doing this. I'll come back for a couple blog posts, go MIA, repeat. Life's just been so hectic for me this year. I'll try my very best to be consistent.
As some of you may have know, figured or do not know, I am completely unemployed. I'm not even self-employed but I am working towards that. The company that I was working for had some dilemmas and were laying plenty of employees off. I happened to be one of them. Indeed, I was very upset but then it worked well too because I had the entire summer off to focus on myself and relax before school starts in Fall semester, which I planned to go full time (I had just transferred from GGC to GSU). Sadly, school was a fail. I understand that attending a university may be a huge deal with so many active students but I am almost positive that with the amount of employees working for the institute, my situation would not be such a fail.
I had completed my transferring process by mid-May to June along with my FAFSA. I been checking for updates at least 3x daily. Everything was noted complete and nothing was required of me. Two weeks before school starts, my grants and loans still weren't processed into my account at all. I have called and spoke with the customer representative for GSU at least 5x. I was told that it will take some timing and I can just go ahead and pay out of pocket and once I receive my funds, it can reimburse me and that if my funds were processed by the end of the first week of school, contact them. Still, contacting them weren't going to successfully change my dilemma. Two days before the end of the first week of school, I finally received a notice for a "requirement hold" indicating "independency verification". To my understanding, once you are 25+, you are considered an independent and parent/guardian verification should not be required anymore. Plus, all of my personal student information should have transferred from my previous institute. Anyway, all of these happened to happen during Labor weekend. The IRS was closed and the website for transcripts was on maintenance. Nothing was working. All I could do was request for my transcript through the mail which will take 2 weeks. All my classes were canceled. I was in despair. I am completely jobless and not even attending school as planned for fall semester anymore. I watch my bills pile up as I apply to hundreds of jobs daily with no luck.
I have had it for the past couple months. I had struggled like this hitting rock bottom in the past before but myself only. It hurts me so much more this time because it is affecting my family as well. All I could really do is keep crying to myself inside as I try so hard not to beat myself up.
Growing up, I only have two big career goals: Travel Industry or Film Industry. I went on a job application rampage. Of course, I always and constantly apply to FA opening positions but never get the luck of landing a position. Delta Airlines is passing my application on to HR for VI and I should be hearing back soon again. This is the second time I am having to do a VI for Delta. Hopefully I could pass this time around. My application for United Airlines is still Under Review. Let's pray I get this. For the past week, I been thinking really hard on getting back in to the film industry for acting. Why? Well, I initially took a break because I was gaining so much weight which resulting in myself being obese. I was not happy, I was depressed. This was never whom I see myself, wanted myself to be and to seen in the industry. I been much happier since I been studying under the 31st grandmaster of Shaolin Temple, Shi Deru. Therefore, I dropped at least 30 pounds. I am much happier before but not at my happiest. I am starting to gain confidence back little by little so I decided why not start getting my foot in the film industry again since I love acting too. So, this morning until now, I been working on putting my resume together. I will be in search for a good photographer for headshots and full body.
I am keeping my fingers crossed, have faith and keep praying. I hope everyone was safe during Hurricane Irma! Have a wonderful day!
It took me a very long time contemplating whether or not if I should just put out my personal thoughts and feelings out there for everyone and strangers. Why not? Sometimes keeping it in doesn't do me any good either. Ranting and venting won't do. When you have no ears willing to listen, sometimes the best route is to share some of your personal thoughts and feelings for a good relief. At least, a somebody out there will be willing to listen, read and really appreciate and admire you - as a stranger.
I been through so much since 2007 when my family split up. I hit rock bottom and struggled to pick myself back up with minimal help from very few people (they know who they are and I thank them so very much) with so much unbelievable hearsay about myself.
Even with my successes throughout all these years, I was still struggling with depression. I gained SO MUCH weight that it was unbelievable. I did not gain weight from eating but, imbalanced hormones. I confined myself. People, even my closest friends (or at least I considered them) teased me and treated me as if being big was not a human but an animal of some sort. Regardless of how much hours, energy and the right diet I maintain, I will not lose a single pound unless I maintain happiness within myself. You get the point.
Enrolling into Shaolin Institute studying under the 31st generation grandmaster of Shaolin Temple, Shi Deru, has changed and shaped me in so many ways. I'm not saying that it is my shifu specifically but, the people there, the culture, gongfu, taiji, consciousness, grit and most importantly, the positive Qi there.
I am proud to say that even though I am not in the brightest place right now, I have been a better person and a better version of myself for the past decade. :)
One of my biggest challenge is being an extrovert person yet, an introvert person when it comes to my deep personal thoughts and feelings. As I allow myself to face this new challenge of expressing myself, I hope you all will enjoy reading little bits and pieces of my thoughts.