It took me a very long time contemplating whether or not if I should just put out my personal thoughts and feelings out there for everyone and strangers. Why not? Sometimes keeping it in doesn't do me any good either. Ranting and venting won't do. When you have no ears willing to listen, sometimes the best route is to share some of your personal thoughts and feelings for a good relief. At least, a somebody out there will be willing to listen, read and really appreciate and admire you - as a stranger.
I been through so much since 2007 when my family split up. I hit rock bottom and struggled to pick myself back up with minimal help from very few people (they know who they are and I thank them so very much) with so much unbelievable hearsay about myself.
Even with my successes throughout all these years, I was still struggling with depression. I gained SO MUCH weight that it was unbelievable. I did not gain weight from eating but, imbalanced hormones. I confined myself. People, even my closest friends (or at least I considered them) teased me and treated me as if being big was not a human but an animal of some sort. Regardless of how much hours, energy and the right diet I maintain, I will not lose a single pound unless I maintain happiness within myself. You get the point.
Enrolling into Shaolin Institute studying under the 31st generation grandmaster of Shaolin Temple, Shi Deru, has changed and shaped me in so many ways. I'm not saying that it is my shifu specifically but, the people there, the culture, gongfu, taiji, consciousness, grit and most importantly, the positive Qi there.
I am proud to say that even though I am not in the brightest place right now, I have been a better person and a better version of myself for the past decade. :)
One of my biggest challenge is being an extrovert person yet, an introvert person when it comes to my deep personal thoughts and feelings. As I allow myself to face this new challenge of expressing myself, I hope you all will enjoy reading little bits and pieces of my thoughts.